Year in Review: 31
March was when it all changed.
I started the first weekend of that month in 2020 with my five year wedding anniversary falling on the same day as the funeral of my dear friend Patrick (who we later in the year found out passed away from COVID-19). Talk about a bad omen of what was to come.
And so the journey of mediocrity begins.
For the purposes of this post, I’m using the primary definition of mediocre:
/,mēdēˈōkər/ adjective: of ordinary or moderate quality.
I, like many, had big plans for my #2020Vision. Something about the promise of the new decade was extra inspiring. I left no room for mediocrity. I, obviously, did not account for the emotional toll of living through the most important election of my lifetime, a racial uprising, and a global pandemic all at once.
And yet there we were. As April turned into May and June blurred with September, and everyday for the privileged among us felt pretty much the same while the world got worse, mediocrity was all I had to give.
I also had some pretty exciting, beautiful, difficult, frustrating and proud moments last year to break the monotony. We won the election! We launched #ThePulsoPodcast! JLo is now my new best friend (meaning her social media staff knows that Pulso exists)!
And the DEPTH I set out for as my word for 2020 was found by going into myself. Into gratitude. Into strengthening the bonds with my Huz and the people I wanted to keep. Yet throughout 2020, I simply wasn’t capable of showing up to all of that and for all of them with anything more than my mediocre self.
Deadlines were missed. Emails went unanswered. The thoughtfulness I like to put into major moments and milestones wasn’t all there. I lost my temper. And I cried a lot. I laughed, too! But I mostly just cried. I was irregular with that which made me feel healthy and gave lackluster energy to my commitments overall. I watched too much Netflix and ate too much cheese. It is what it is.
2020 broke us. It broke our spirits and our systems. Our excess and our routines. Our expectations and our realities. Hundreds of thousands of people died. They lost jobs, houses, and hope. How blessed am I to have “survived” a heartbreaking year with nothing less than what I needed and nothing more than what my mediocre disposition could handle?!
I’m writing this on January 3rd, 2021, the day where one of my favorite uncles passed away from COVID-19. Needless to say, 2021 isn’t exactly starting off with streamers and confetti (despite the 15 rituals I did on NYE to invoke a roaring new year). Nada de borrón y cuenta nueva aquí.
The mediocre 31 put it all into perspective. I’m prepped and ready to roll into the basically-the-same-as-last-year-new-year with renewed FOCUS, my word for 32.
My Resolutions: to honor my lunch break and finally become fluent in Portuguese.
No pressure though. Who knows how 2021 will unfold, and this overachiever has learned to value that of ordinary or moderate quality. In times of crisis, mediocre’s often all we’ve got. And that’s ok.
